6 months just passed like that...

August 18^th, 2018 -February 18^th, 2019

6 months. Can you believe it?! It’s insane how fast time could past. It’s a cliché phrase but I feel like it was just yesterday when I enter my room for the first time. Again, lot of things has changed. My feelings, my thoughts, my personalities, my characteristics, my point of view to the world, my perspectives, my inner critic, my behavior. It’s amazing how sometimes you don’t even realize how much you changed until your family or your friend said, “Wow you sure have changed a lot Ra!” or “This is not Rara that I used to know”

            I don’t know where to start. There’re just too many things happening. I’ll just start from self-development. As I think I’ve said to y’all in this blog, I want to be a cool person either in social life or academic. I want to be perfect. I don’t want anyone see my flaws. I want to be the superhero that could handle anything and without the problem. With that burden on my shoulders this whole time, makes it hard for me to achieve my goal. It felt like this ambitious goal more likely to trapped me in cage of thought rather than encourage me to do better job trying to reach my goals. So, the first thing that I realize here after half of a year spending time in UWC is to not over expect everything and understand that you have a limit.    

            As example in social life as a member of community here. At first it was hard to believe that I need to build up my reputation here and show to everyone what kind of person I am. It’s hard to accept that everyone used to know me in my previous school but no one in this new community. I tried so hard to be friend with everyone and make everyone like me in a way that I have lots of friends and be that cool kids. But you know what? In some point soon enough, I realize all of this are un-necessary. I’m doing the worst thing I could ever think of. Being fake, trying to please everyone, change my self every time depending on who I’m hanging out with. Till I’m tired doing so and it doesn’t work out as well. So, I stopped my self since then and trying to be the truest version of myself. And guess what? It works! Things always happen in the least expected ways you could ever think of.    

            About academic, like I said last time in my previous post, it is not a big deal for me to think about. I’m satisfied with the grades that I got on my latest trimester (except econ). I’m fine and have no problem with any teacher or even residential violation. So, technically I should be fine with academic in the meantime. But I’m paying more attention to my life-skills that are affecting the way I received a lesson in class. First, of course language, it has been growing better and better ever since. It leads to more confidence inside myself and saying that “kay now language is not a problem, then what are you waiting for to show ‘em what you got girl?” So, I discover that I’m more confident now to reach people, communicate, join discussion in class, talking in public, taking control over a leadership role, etc. I’m so happy that I could do what I love the most in my life here without having any barrier anymore. Maybe it’s still wasn’t perfect but I’m taking a small step here with a faith that it will turned out to be a huge step in the future.

              One last thing that I want to tell y’all is about the fact that I’m still a Muslim! Hahaha, it’s so funny how shallow people opinion sometimes. Lots of y’all asked me how is it to be a Muslim in US. Obviously, it would be different and rough. Being a minority in a liberal country is interesting experience.  But it’s all depends on how you see it and how you actually believe in it. At least that’s what I found out after 6 months staying in the States. Lots of hardship you’ll faced and sometimes you got carried by the culture there and didn’t realize that those things violate your religion in a way. I’ve experienced that and I know how horrible those feeling when you felt like you’re not being yourself at the moment.  

Okay I’m not going to lie, I do made mistakes. Lots I would say. But I’m learning through it. I’ve learned how to not repeat the same mistakes and to learn from that mistakes. This is how I got matured. This is how I learned how to handle things in the world. It might get rough at first when you made mistake for the first time like feeling disgusted at yourself, insecurity all over your mind, afraid about how people will see you, but trust me. IT IS OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES! As long as you understand that you’ve made mistake and willing to change to a better version of yourself. For the sake of yourself, not for others because in the end all of us are going to be alone in this world.  

            Well I think I’ve said enough things about 6 months here, I’ll definitely come up with more story which I hope I could inspire you in any possible way. Oh, and I’m still doing my new years resolution! Not all but still haha it has been 2 months now, let’s see how long it’ll keep going. And my birthday coming up soooon!!!! D-5 omg I’m excitedddd first birthday without my family and my friends. It’ll be unforgettable memories. I’m sure it’ll be my next post lol haha. Anyway, Adios amigos~