my deepest breakdown in UWC...

Starting the month with Solo Performance was very good! It felt nice when I finally am open and freely express myself during that. But the sad side is just I have to write a report afterward. I also had my English IOC which was super nervous wrecking. I shared before how I finally became part of the African Chorus and I had the opportunity to finally perform! This month is sick! There were so many deadlines waiting ahead of us by the end of the month in addition to the first cultural show of the year. It was insanely hectic for everyone. With many final exams and IAs deadline as well as a rehearsal for culture show, it was basically a hell month.  I was tired physically and mentally. My rain was fried every single day and there is no rest day at all. It was eating me inside. 

I looked back at my days in my first year and I missed it so bad. Not because of the social life because it was worse back then, but the academic. It was all new and I had the interest to genuinely learn but now I just got so sick of all the requirements and begging to myself every day to hold on it till I finished it later in May. College is not helping either. I was not really doing some significant work but keep postpone it till I realize I need to finish the essay before I leave for winter break and actually submit my applications. This all summed up in my head to a point where I couldn't hold it any longer. 

I felt the pressure is getting way too hard and I can't handle it anymore. Breakdown may sound scary and the worst thing that could ever happen, but actually it felt nice after you had a breakdown. It felt like someone trapped me in this cage where the only thing I am allowed to do is working, working, and working without having a social life anymore. Throughout the journey before the breakdown was the hardest part. I was walking through a street full of scattered glass and keep hurting myself every second, Whereas when you had a breakdown, it was the end, the peak, and after else there is only assurance, comfort, and support for you. I agree that this month was treating me badly, but I am trying to be fine with it. I hope I am choosing the right path by believing that in the end, it will all be worth it. 

These people are the ones who helped be afloat during hard times this semester. Both of them including Tei has been my support during the year. We were studying together, passing the cruel months together and I am thankful for that. I am looking forward to more memories with them!

Here's the recap video of this month: