Moving on from UWC and continue with life...

안녕하세요? 잘 지냈어요? I'm doing well. Aside from the continuous news about coronavirus and repeating the same cycle during the day. With this post, I would like to officially declare (to myself) that I graduate from UWC USA and much needed to continue with my next journey. This doesn't necessarily mean that I will put all my uwc-related to some kind of box and shut it down on the storage room. It just means I have to mentally ready to move on and shift my focus to the future instead of stuck in the past, longing for 'the perfect uwc closing events'. Because in fact, I won't ever get that no matter what. It is the hard truth and by this post is up, I must acknowledge it and MOVE ON. 

Sound a bit harsh, isn't it? Well, this experience really is life-changing no matter how you want to counterargue me on that. For me, it changes my present and future. I am not going to bore you even more with how uwc changes my life thing, but I just want to make that very clear and don't even try to argue me on that. Maybe it isn't special for you or you've never experienced it before, but this is important to mention as it is the foundation of my post today. 

After a long thought, I have decided to commit to St. Olaf College. 90% I should say as there may be a further discussion, later on, depending on the result of me trying to get into ITB with IB Diploma. UniOfSheffield was my top choice but what can I do if the budget isn't fit? Nonetheless, St. Olaf is still a great place. I got to meet my second year again and I'm very happy about that. There are also other Indonesians who I am sure will make the place feels more like home. To be honest, I don't know how my UWC experience would be without these older Indonesians who had supported me mentally and physically. I'm also happy with the fact by me being in St. Olaf, it open a possibility of me going back to New Mexico! Yes, I am as happy as that. Moving on is one thing but going back there as an Alumn would be a whole new experience. I am truly happy to get accepted to St. Olaf and finally have some certainty in my life, unlike these past weeks. 

Unfortunately, even with the plan of going back to the States makes me happy, it also comes with a number of concerns. One of the concerns is me being away from my family. All my siblings have gone on with their lives. My two sisters have already married and will not be in the house accompanying my parents. My brother is also busy with his life and is not really the type who hang out often with his family in the first place. My mom's only hope is me. I know deep down she hopes I'm staying in the country, possibly in ITB so that my mom and dad could visit me anytime. I know and aware of the possibility of them feeling lonely once I leave. But I also wanted to pursue my own life for the better, trying to get the best opportunities possible. This is such a huge dilemma for me at the moment. I don't think I have the courage to left behind all the opportunities at the States to stay here and grant my parent's wish. Do I have enough bravery to give up on my ego and not being selfish? 

Another concern is regarding the real future plan. In my family, they expected women to marry as soon as possible. My dad's warning has always about finding a soulmate and get married. Once I graduate from college, I have to get married first before continuing my graduate studies. I am 50 50 on this and will need time to really figure out my role as a woman, daughter, person, and more importantly a Muslim. This concern also leads to other concerns such as my community there, the rank of St. Olaf College, and the question of whether the pros and cons are objectively observed before committing to the college. The answer is Idk. St. Olaf may not be the best institution in the States, but it is still a prestigious college at least in Minnesota. Maybe in a world ranking, it is way below ITB, but I believe the opportunity there, continuous learning inside and outside the program, the diversity, and just the fact that I'm living by myself will teach me a lot more than what I could ever imagine. I still believe that the pros are exceeded the cons.  

That's it for now. Many of it still get buried somewhere in my head but I'm too sleepy to try to dig into it. I will upload it at another time. Till then, Algos!